The Benefits of Rejection | Magna Gopal | TEDxJerseyCity

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  • Published: 03 October 2017
  • When we think of Salsa dancing, we think of big smiles, fancy moves, and people having fun. Rejection rarely comes to mind, though it is a very common aspect of a social partner dance. Using her own experience with rejection in dance, Magna will take us through her journey of personal growth and improved relationships.

    Magna Gopal is a leading instructor and performer in the international Salsa dance industry and is renowned for her pedagogy, her creativity, and her philosophy. Magna Gopal is a leading instructor and performer in the international Salsa dance industry and is renowned for her pedagogy, her creativity, and her philosophy. She uses the richness of partner dance to provide a deeper understanding into ourselves, our relationships with others, and the dynamics of communication.
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Comments • 303

  • vvelasco54
    vvelasco54  7 days back

    I just clicked the video bc she is beautiful.

    • DynamicFiz
      DynamicFiz  1 weeks back

      She got rejected?
      Bro people don’t know beauty,intellegence, And personality when they see it.

      • Lifen Zhong
        Lifen Zhong  2 weeks back

        The speech just hit home. I can’t believe when I found this speech. I am learning to deal with rejection. I recently found out that I love ballroom dancing. I didn’t realize this is connected to dance. I am impressed.

        • Crystal Walker
          Crystal Walker  2 weeks back

          Do you want a one minute no, or a painful dishonest 3 hour yes?

          • aj palkow
            aj palkow  2 weeks back

            “Rejection” is good for the soul- it keeps us humble.

            • Damon Owens
              Damon Owens  2 weeks back

              Toooooo fine!!

              • The Glenn & Aaron Show
                The Glenn & Aaron Show  3 weeks back

                I love her point about how we fear rejecting others because it seems socially acceptable.

                • Adam U
                  Adam U  4 weeks back

                  Creatively spoken !!

                  • Flávio Rogério
                    Flávio Rogério  4 weeks back

                    Great lecture!

                    • EseChava 22
                      EseChava 22  4 weeks back

                      This is why I love milfs

                      • walt porter
                        walt porter  1 months back

                        Great talk

                        • Sy Hong
                          Sy Hong  1 months back

                          Rejection is God’s protection

                          • Terryl Miller
                            Terryl Miller  1 months back

                            Who in their right mind would reject her if she asked them to dance? I'll dance with her anytime, anywhere.

                            • Sergi Serrano Guillem
                              Sergi Serrano Guillem  1 months back

                              I feel that its very ironic that this talk came from a woman, just cause usually men are more exposed to this type of troubles.

                              • #1Lazer
                                #1Lazer  2 months back

                                Manga- If you asked me out I'd say yes. If you ask me to dance I'll also say yes. Unfortunately my head and body move well, but it's like my feet are glued to the floor. I choose to be adventurous, because life is more than just a journey. If it's just a journey you can feel like a victim, stuff you have to go through... if it's an adventure, what happens is stuff to be experienced. Learn from it, better yourself!
                                Seems you've heard of Jia Jiang.?
                                On second thought. Maybe I wouldn't say yes... love your honesty. Though I guess it's realizing and be able to accept yours and others imperfections... okay, I switch to yes again.
                                I asked a lady out recently. She said yes! But then she said no... but not without good reason. Makes me respect and be attracted to her even more.

                                • Malie
                                  Malie  2 months back

                                  She know nothing about being rejected...she a pretty woman. She probably got rejected by 2 guys lol

                                  • Brando Jimenez
                                    Brando Jimenez  2 months back

                                    Thank you for sharing this positive message and understanding of rejection. I have never dealt with rejection in a good way and I am going to take what you have provided and apply to my new soon to be dating life. Thank you for having the courage and passion to share this information.

                                    • CreativityRules4Ever
                                      CreativityRules4Ever  2 months back

                                      I needed to hear this video - one of the BEST I've heard!! I am now at the age of 49, able to say NO to negative people & to say YES to properly caring for myself, setting boundaries with compassion & to learn from the pains of my past & turn them into GOLD. I am doing spoken word, creating art, writing & I now facilitate groups sometimes & am returning to SCHOOL in less than 2 months!!

                                      • Mura Kami
                                        Mura Kami  2 months back

                                        Dear Magna, You are a wonderful dancer. But you should really work on your self-esteem if you only allow comments unequivocally praising your videos. Goodbye.

                                        • Kristin Kavanaugh
                                          Kristin Kavanaugh  2 months back

                                          Magna, so been there!
                                          ( As a Salsa Dancer)
                                          It took a while but I had to learn how to say no as well. I have practiced my no delivery many times. I have had to learn to respect my own boundries and my feelings in a situations as well.
                                          I had to learn to stand up for myself. I always try to say no gracefully & with empathy as well. Thanks for sharing!

                                          • Lonje Maries Wisdom
                                            Lonje Maries Wisdom  2 months back

                                            She’s beautiful

                                            • Vegan Marc
                                              Vegan Marc  3 months back

                                              Weeellllllll....when people regard you as a monster time and time again it starts to wear into your self-perception. In some cases I'd rather live in ignorance rather than make the next request.

                                              • X Rated.
                                                X Rated.  3 months back

                                                I love everything about her analogies and examples because they force you to recognize the root of why people say yes = because we don’t want to hurt others. It’s a natural human response to something because we do not ever intend to hurt someone, despite our genuine lack of interest. However this speech helped me understand my problem, once I rejected myself. I genuinely like being liked. My whole life I went about my day with most people liking me, my energy, my effort, the way I spoke. It was a serious wake up call to me when I was rejected by someone who ONCE liked me, I dismissed and he KEPT chasing me. I ended up dating him out of pity, I had IRRATIONAL anger around him, I was never amused by what he said to me but he was SUCH a nice, genuine guy that I couldn’t say no. The worst of it all, I knew he wasn’t for me but I couldn’t bring myself to understand I wasn’t good for HIM. He lifted my ego, praised me, showed me undivided attention but I, being the selfish egotistical girl I was back then, just rolled my eyes and bathed in his affection. Until one day, he decided he deserved..better. I was appalled. Better? Than ME? Everybody likes ME though, how could YOU not? My serious, embarrassing issue was that I had never been rejected before. Never been shown that someone wasn’t interested. But that day my outlook changed. Suddenly I liked him more, couldn’t move on from him when he found someone who GENUINELY loved him. After all the time we spent together - I no longer meant anything to him.
                                                That’s what brought me here. The reflection of being rejected. Because it helped me realize that understanding someone can most certainly CHOOSE not to say yes to you/dance with you/anything you wanna compare it to, they have the RIGHT to say no. And for whatever reason they want to - NOT taking it personal is key. They are telling you that they’d rather not waste their time and although they don’t wanna hurt your feelings, they aren’t obliged to participate if they themselves wouldn’t be enjoying their time.
                                                I said yes to second dates with men I barely remembered the names of and I felt entitled to their attention. But this video (and some therapy) helped me understand that this is..toxic. I thought I was being nice but the opposite of nice isn’t pity. It’s fairness. Respect yourself enough to learn that rejection for both parties isn’t personal, it just means they/you don’t wanna waste their time when their entire heart/head isn’t into it.

                                                • rean seou
                                                  rean seou  4 months back

                                                  I'd dance with u

                                                  • Rukia akerman
                                                    Rukia akerman  4 months back

                                                    I really need it ...thank you so mich it cheers me up 😊 and remember me about what is important

                                                    • Lauren Keyes
                                                      Lauren Keyes  4 months back

                                                      This is a VERY good jewel.
                                                      Thank you 💖

                                                      • Tree Tree
                                                        Tree Tree  4 months back

                                                        were the people in the club blind? What kind of clubs was this beautiful woman going to?

                                                        • Tree Tree
                                                          Tree Tree  4 months back

                                                          NO = NEXT OPPORTUNITY.

                                                          • Lee H
                                                            Lee H  4 months back

                                                            Beautifully said

                                                            • M 16
                                                              M 16  4 months back

                                                              The reason behind saying "NO" to when asked for the dance can be like..that man didn't know how to dance..or That man could be having partner.

                                                              • Amrita Mishra
                                                                Amrita Mishra  4 months back

                                                                I like it

                                                                • curragh 42
                                                                  curragh 42  5 months back

                                                                  Im sorry man. I just dont believe her. A good looking girl like that dont get rejected that often

                                                                  • ws279 xL7
                                                                    ws279 xL7  5 months back

                                                                    👏👏👏👏 I love this! Makes a lot of sense. Now I will never feel bad about being rejected.

                                                                    • Ahmed
                                                                      Ahmed  5 months back

                                                                      The only rejection that bothers me is romantic. I have been rejected from hundreds of jobs and many colleges but that doesn't bother me. I still feel extremely disturbed by the rejections from girls I've wanted. It's why I'm terrified to approach women.

                                                                      • Patrick Arthur Atangana Ngono

                                                                        She’s not talking about dancing obviously.

                                                                        • Syne111
                                                                          Syne111  5 months back

                                                                          that diamond tho

                                                                          • Indian Mentor-Marquis
                                                                            Indian Mentor-Marquis  5 months back

                                                                            thankyou

                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                              Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                              Thank you for taking the time to listen. 😊

                                                                          • Roy Godson
                                                                            Roy Godson  5 months back

                                                                            Very important and helpful speech.

                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                              Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                              Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. 😊

                                                                          • adr ian
                                                                            adr ian  5 months back

                                                                            After few rejections you dont feel nothing...

                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                              Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                              The pain of rejection still exists but it becomes easier to deal with when I stopped making it personal. :)

                                                                          • Tia Turnbull
                                                                            Tia Turnbull  5 months back

                                                                            I have recently been thinking about how people attach their identity to situations. If someone puts a rock in the middle of the sidewalk and you keep moving it because you are stubbing your toe. They keep moving it back because they see everything as a win/lose personal battle. They are unwilling to talk about it and see kindness as weakness, don't listen and keep moving the rock back. What do you do?

                                                                            • Tia Turnbull
                                                                              Tia Turnbull  5 months back

                                                                              Thank you. Happy Holidays to you too.

                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                              Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                              +Tia Turnbull Thanks for the explanation and the chat. 😊 Happy holidays!

                                                                            • Tia Turnbull
                                                                              Tia Turnbull  5 months back

                                                                              BTW, the rock story has to do with how people attach their identity to a thing, situation or other thought. Then now that they have made the conversation about the thing about themselves, they defensively fight to win instead of separating their identity from the thing in order to look at the issue. Look at the " It is what it is" The subject is what works best regardless of who's idea it is. Many people don't realize that they are automatically reacting with intensity in their own winning favor instead of looking at the situation from a let's resolve it in the best way possible no matter who's idea it is. There is no win-lose, only solutions that work best for all involved once we understand each others ideas about it.

                                                                            • Tia Turnbull
                                                                              Tia Turnbull  5 months back

                                                                              Thank you Magna. Actually it was helpful to me to understand from H.H. that people are regurgitating scenes from childhood where they didn't get there needs met. That way my main focus is not to take on for myself what they are accusing me of. They are not even talking to me, they are saying what they felt when they were 4, 5, 6 etc.. years old but could not articulate it then. So there is nothing for me to explain or defend. All I need to do is reflect, validate and empathize. It makes alot of sense, it reminds me of Byron Katie when she says " I can see how you would feel, see or say that when you are thinking that thought." Brilliant.

                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                              Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                              +Tia Turnbull I understand now. Most of us weave a story that benefits our narrative. Depending on how ingrained our beliefs are, it's quite possible that we can't see the other side. Or we just keep talking and pushing until we hear our version regurgitated back to us. In dealing with people like this (which includes myself sometimes) the best approach is to stay true to your own intention. Speak honestly and with compassion. If you're lucky, the person you're speaking to will pause and reflect. Change isn't guaranteed but neither should it be sought. The pause and the reflection are quite a feat in themselves. If our approach to the interactions that don't result in a change is to be frustrated then perhaps we are just as tied to our own way of doing /seeing things as the people we are trying to change. At the end of the day, self reflection and personal growth are the things actually within our control. Just focus on that and let the world come around...or not. 😉 Hope that helps! 😊

                                                                          • MubarakStayBless Mohammed

                                                                            Be honest to yourself be unapologetically. Yes yes No no

                                                                            • VerdisQuo999
                                                                              VerdisQuo999  6 months back

                                                                              It gets very interesting around 10:30. Very good advice.

                                                                            • daphney kokui klu
                                                                              daphney kokui klu  6 months back

                                                                              If GOD rejects you it's a terrifying situation, but if its man... not exactly a problem!

                                                                              • daphney kokui klu
                                                                                daphney kokui klu  2 weeks back

                                                                                +Carina Carter do you have a mind? Yes, you do. Do you see your mind? No, you dont, but you know you have a brain, that has a mind, thinks, feels, analyzes. Yes, there is A GOD and He loves you a whole bunch, you just cant see Him just yet!

                                                                              • Carina Carter
                                                                                Carina Carter  2 weeks back

                                                                                +daphney kokui klu you don't know any of that. You can't prove God exist. Period.

                                                                              • daphney kokui klu
                                                                                daphney kokui klu  2 weeks back

                                                                                +Carina Carter who created you my dear Carina? GOD or something else? Is man more real than GOD to you? I've been rejected before, so many times until I learnt that My Creator will never reject me. Besides, JESUS CHRIST Who died for you and me was rejected too. So now i believe man's rejection is no big deal so long as GOD doesn't reject me. Wishing you the very best!

                                                                              • Carina Carter
                                                                                Carina Carter  2 weeks back

                                                                                Man is REAL. Rejection hurts. Keep whatever God you believe in out of it.

                                                                              • daphney kokui klu
                                                                                daphney kokui klu  3 months back

                                                                                +electric soul my lips are zipped🤐. I guess you still haven't gotten over your rejection😂😂

                                                                            • newtoninspired
                                                                              newtoninspired  6 months back

                                                                              Magna Gopal, this is really like a next level of feeling rejection from a different professional life that stands so resonating with any general rejection faced in life. Thanks to TEDx to bring you on the global platform of sharing. Your talk makes me see the purpose of TEDx justified. Really, great talk. Nice to know a little bit of living in the dance industry too.

                                                                              • Magna Gopal
                                                                                Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                                Thank you for taking the time to listen and I'm glad to hear the content of this talk resonated with you. I'm trying to post more content related to these issues that we all deal with. Have a look at my channel. You might enjoy some of the videos. 😊

                                                                            • These Truths
                                                                              These Truths  7 months back

                                                                              Only salsa dancers can wear and walk a pair of high heels like this gal clearly demonstrated! I think any guys that denied her a dance were probably a waste of oxygen consumption! Lol

                                                                              • These Truths
                                                                                These Truths  5 months back

                                                                                +Magna Gopal Merry Christmas! I agree with you. I was being goofy. I was rejected quite a bit from the apples of my eyes when I was younger, and I know they weren't being personal...I should not have had a mullet!!! All my good intentions could not be seen because of that goofy mullet! Lol. 😂
                                                                                Thank you though. It was nice to hear back from you. That's rarely the case. Stay kind and keep smiling...kind ladies like you make up for a thousand meanies. 🙃

                                                                              • Magna Gopal
                                                                                Magna Gopal  5 months back

                                                                                I appreciate that compliment. I'll tell you, my first steps walking out on stage made me think heels were a bad idea but I got comfortable quite quickly. As for the guys that rejected me, they all have their worth. What I've learned is that their rejection doesn't have to affect mine. 😊

                                                                            • Kishalay Sinha
                                                                              Kishalay Sinha  7 months back

                                                                              Although I feel zero interest in western dances such as ballet etc. which seem odd to Me, I have reached 10:28 of this talk and will listen to the end of the talk at 27:50, I think, because this is a very practical talk full of helpful advice on how to deal with rejection, which is universal. I would like to add that it is just not possible to say yes to everyone and say yes to everything asked for. This should not be regarded as rejection but as a realistic response. Of course, in all such cases of "rejection", an effort should be made as a matter of courtesy to make the "rejection" as soft and gentle as possible. In some cases, however, it might be wise to make the "rejection" seem blunt for the good of an applicant when it seems that he or she will not listen to reason. - G

                                                                              • Aleksandra Krysińska
                                                                                Aleksandra Krysińska  7 months back

                                                                                It's super cool, that such a intelligent, neat woman share that she was turned down, even if it comes to dating

                                                                                • skyejacques
                                                                                  skyejacques  8 months back

                                                                                  Wow. So much wisdom in this. I've said yes when my entire gut was saying no, and I wasted my time and the other person's. So true. The inner definition of rejection needs to be neutralised instead of demonized! Thank you so much, Magna for this one... Perfect timing for me to listen and absorb this universal truth x