To all the single ladies - you're fine : Terri Hilmey at TEDxBuffaloWomen

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  • Published: 16 January 2013
  • In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
  • Science and Technology Science and Technology

Comments • 215

  • Palak Patel
    Palak Patel  3 months back

    You got married and your husband died before you. You raised kids and none of them showed up on your death day. On your death bed, you realized that marriage was worthless after all...and you died with a regret of not doing what you really want to do in your life. Wow, single people definitely know that there will be no one on their death day by their side. But married people live in false hope that they won’t die alone. Wow, What a disappointment at death bed..!!

    • one Spectator
      one Spectator  3 months back

      Cool speech👍👍😁

      • Jessica Holting
        Jessica Holting  4 months back

        There are some women who want to get married and not have children. It is nice to have someone to wake up to, a life partner and a best friend.

        • Jacinda Peters
          Jacinda Peters  4 months back

          All these bitter men are just mad we don't need them anymore.

          • DJ_Trolly
            DJ_Trolly  1 weeks back

            Agreed! Single life is best

        • amin zar
          amin zar  5 months back

          MGTOW4EVER

          • Rez Recordz
            Rez Recordz  5 months back

            and to all the single men you'll most likely be in for a lifetime of despair and loneliness..

            • Vincent Varghese
              Vincent Varghese  7 months back

              Marriage is not for everyone. And there is nothing wrong in being single also. But whatever decision you take, think a 100 times. The lady talking is not happy married. She should have stayed single. A family is a unit of a community. Some people feel fullfilled being married and obviously its not her. Looking back in history human beings lived married for 1000s of years and this history has programmed us to be fullfilled that way. Dont know if one fine day we can reverse all that.

              • Elle Jones
                Elle Jones  7 months back

                Never before has a TED talk made me angry, then there was today when I listened to this. Her husband must be so happy and proud. Someone who never wanted marriage but got married now tells those of us who want marriage that we're fine without it because she and other people are stressed. Clearly she and those people have completely missed the concept of marriage. Anything that requires selflessness and compromise is going to be stressful but that bond between two people to create from it is still beauty and never meant to be a picture perfect world. Hope her kids don't grow up hearing what a burden they have been to their mother!

                • Berlin Wall
                  Berlin Wall  8 months back

                  Thank you for this video. It gives me a good reason to not get married. Also, I don't agree with the last things you said in the video.

                  • Garrett Mc
                    Garrett Mc  9 months back

                    8:17 uh huh...

                    • Garrett Mc
                      Garrett Mc  9 months back

                      Sounds so mad talking like an argument

                      • Garrett Mc
                        Garrett Mc  9 months back

                        shes the definition of insanity

                      • Garrett Mc
                        Garrett Mc  9 months back

                        cant even listen to it all, just ranting

                    • Rossana Motta
                      Rossana Motta  10 months back

                      But married does not mean with kids. The misery she describes is almost all because of kids. That misery would be the same even if you were not married. Solution: not having kids. Besides that, I think married or not married, nothing changes. Being with someone can be great or miserable either way, the contract itself does not make the relationship good (though it can easily give a sense of suffocation)

                      • Jacklynn Jackson
                        Jacklynn Jackson  11 months back

                        what a b....

                        • Lucia Mixon
                          Lucia Mixon  12 months back

                          Guess I'm a romantic. I get it. It's an obligation and full of responsibility. Being single in the last part of my life I feel like I've Already been doing tons of laundry, housework, and full time job. I have long term insurance. If I need it I hope that will pay claims! Frankly, many women would like to try with a compatible person. Committed not commitable? as far as bad breath there is listerine. Some folks need a partner or a friend at right time. Excellent talk to let us know it's not perfect hence so many divorces!

                          • John Something
                            John Something  5 months back

                            You also have to consider that not all marriages that end in divorce are considered a bad marriage. Not all marriages end on bad terms. Some people grow apart and divorce late, but that doesn't mean that they'd give up the great years that they did have.

                        • Maya Legrand
                          Maya Legrand  12 months back

                          I laughed my head off! So funny, so true!

                          • Steve Laurie
                            Steve Laurie  12 months back

                            Save your breath.

                            I can sum it up for you in three easy words. DON'T GET MARRIED!

                            • Scott Nesjan
                              Scott Nesjan  1 years back

                              Ha, buy a condo, build a pink bathroom...that's right ladies, keep up the consumerism and belief that material items will fill that void. ..then get cats when it's too late. ..

                              • Running Shoes
                                Running Shoes  1 years back

                                When is this whole war against single people going to end?

                                • Wolfman7870
                                  Wolfman7870  1 years back

                                  Capitalism is what is killing marriage. People are increasingly working harder for less just to funnel money into the pockets of a few unnecessarily wealthy people at the very top. We barely have enough time and money to get the things we need for ourselves much less spend our hard earned resources on temporary relationships.

                                  • Live life To the fullest

                                    i’ve been married before and choosing to be single was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made! it has its lows but the highs are greater!

                                    • cedfowler
                                      cedfowler  1 years back

                                      This is SO refreshing!

                                      • Wesley Chapman
                                        Wesley Chapman  1 years back

                                        She says, "The woman pays the most for this dream." Seriously? So why do MEN DIE 6 years sooner, mainly from stress-related diseases, working themselves to an early grave, to PAY for the dream? While women control 85% of all spending decisions, the car and the house included. Why is it always the MAN who gets destroyed in divorce court, to enrich the woman, whenever she gets bored and files for divorce (and women DO file 70--80% of all divorces.)

                                        We ALL have to do housework, honey, unless you're rich enough to afford hired help. Only women are experts in complaining about it. This woman's whiny voice grates, like fingernails on a chalkboard. Yuck. This TEDx is AWFUL.

                                        • sam 7
                                          sam 7  9 months back

                                          Stop complaining old single man with no money ! You have no market value to women !

                                        • Running Shoes
                                          Running Shoes  1 years back

                                          GET A JOB

                                      • Alina Ligia Dumitrescu
                                        Alina Ligia Dumitrescu  1 years back

                                        than you very much!

                                        • Edgarv68
                                          Edgarv68  1 years back

                                          The longer a woman stays single, the more useless they become, they can't lift anything heavy, they can't have children, they break down mentally, the list goes on.

                                          • Jacinda Peters
                                            Jacinda Peters  4 months back

                                            You're useless

                                          • Running Shoes
                                            Running Shoes  1 years back

                                            LOL oh really now. That is the most bias thing I have ever heard.

                                        • Cerasela Nicoleta Manole

                                          Oh, thankyou!

                                          • Amanda Hooke
                                            Amanda Hooke  1 years back

                                            And then there is the women like me, who is a single mum, raising a child with a disability. It can be the challenging parts from both.

                                            • Barb Thornell
                                              Barb Thornell  1 years back

                                              Not to mention that multiple studies, repeated for decades in a row show that married men-as a group-are consistently the happiest people whereas married women-as a group-are consistently the unhappiest people. Gosh, I wonder why...

                                              • Christopher McAuley
                                                Christopher McAuley  4 months back

                                                +Jacinda Peters Lots? Cause all I see are tons of interviews and articles like 'Where have all the good men gone?', articles about being happy when 30 and single. Know why? Cause they are all unhappy.

                                                Divorce? Really? 60% of marriages end in divorce. Most women divorced before 38. 1 in 4 women have depression. Women's happiness on the decline.

                                                What decade were women the happiest? 1950s 😂 Wonder why 🤔

                                              • Jacinda Peters
                                                Jacinda Peters  4 months back

                                                +Christopher McAuley lots of single women are happier married women gain weight and drink more

                                              • Christopher McAuley
                                                Christopher McAuley  5 months back

                                                What are you smoking? Women's happiness has been on the decline since the 60s 😂 Since the rise of single motherhood and divorce, women have been getting unhappier. They are more likely to suffer from depression. In the UK, women are most likely to commit suicide between 50 to 54 years of age. Wonder why? Women have higher levels of debt in their old age and less savings.

                                                Sorry, but statistics are not on your side here 🤨

                                            • Barb Thornell
                                              Barb Thornell  1 years back

                                              I saw all this when I was 16 (I'm 58 now) and never married because of it, which I don't at all regret. I am happier and healthier than ALL of the married women I know (according to THEIR own opinion/self-reporting) and often have to deal with what I can only describe as hostile envy of my freedom and control over my own time, resources, and attention. Not to mention my dating options (the worst "trigger topic" by far). I still would not even consider getting married.

                                              • the last Jedi
                                                the last Jedi  2 months back

                                                +Jeanina Ribeiro lol

                                              • the last Jedi
                                                the last Jedi  2 months back

                                                Well done ...we need more people like you ...the earth can only sustain 4 billion humans and there already are 7.5 .

                                              • Α
                                                Α  4 months back

                                                You would not be seeking validation on youtube if you were happy .Marriage died the day your ovaries dried up

                                              • Christopher McAuley
                                                Christopher McAuley  5 months back

                                                +Jeanina Ribeiro Can you please stop being sexist. Thought you'd be more pissed off at the guy 2 comments up who states that women are only interested in a man's money.

                                              • Jeanina Ribeiro
                                                Jeanina Ribeiro  9 months back

                                                Wesley Chapman  At least cats don't talk, we don't have to hear bullsh*t men say. :)

                                            • Phuong P
                                              Phuong P  1 years back

                                              Feels super great after listening to Terri!

                                              • Halon One
                                                Halon One  1 years back

                                                What a poor public speaker. The kicker is this lady can up and leave her husband tomorrow and is entitled to half his assets. She suffers no penalty under any circumstance. If she were to screw her neighbor and get pregnant by his child, she can still get child support from the her current husband. Marriage is a raw deal for men. Notice how biased Ted talks are in favor of women. Pathetic.

                                                • Tracy
                                                  Tracy  1 years back

                                                  Wow, lots of pissy men in the comments. How dare single women be happy and have autonomy!

                                                  • Running Shoes
                                                    Running Shoes  1 years back

                                                    Wesley thank you. women don't want you either

                                                  • Wesley Chapman
                                                    Wesley Chapman  1 years back

                                                    Why do millions of single women whine and complain that they can't find a good man? Because we men have all realized that marriage is a TRAP and whiny, complaining women aren't worth our time or money. MGTOW!

                                                • Rustbelt Van-Life
                                                  Rustbelt Van-Life  1 years back

                                                  😂😂

                                                  • Miss Scarleteen
                                                    Miss Scarleteen  1 years back

                                                    I love this ❤️

                                                    • CanadaInjustice
                                                      CanadaInjustice  1 years back

                                                      lol

                                                      • MexicanTacos 07
                                                        MexicanTacos 07  1 years back

                                                        This comment section and this video are a perfect example of why men in the us don't want to get married anymore. Go find yourself a young russian housewife if you ask me😂

                                                        • slayerof truth
                                                          slayerof truth  1 years back

                                                          All the single ladies is much happier without ring on it. Bitter men in comment section is funny.

                                                        • MonsterHuntressRoon
                                                          MonsterHuntressRoon  1 years back

                                                          When you need heavy lifting done or tons of groceries brought in it's not fine to be single. :/ I know this from personal experience.

                                                          • Wesley Chapman
                                                            Wesley Chapman  1 years back

                                                            When you are single, you can HIRE people to do heavy lifting...and a single's groceries are much lighter. Why do all of you "strong, empowered women" always complain about any physical exertion? Lazy much?

                                                        • T G
                                                          T G  1 years back

                                                          'Feminism', far from helping women, has instead exposed the full extent of female inferiority (moral, intellectual, physical, economic, spiritual, civic) far more visibly than was ever possible before 'feminism'.

                                                          In the old days, there were customs that protected women from getting into situations where their inferiority would be visible. Not so anymore.

                                                        • T G
                                                          T G  1 years back

                                                          TED is now nothing more than an infomercial of female narcissism.

                                                          • John Something
                                                            John Something  5 months back

                                                            +sam 7 Female leaders have shown themselves to be just as warmongering as male leaders. There have just simply been more male leaders historically.

                                                          • sam 7
                                                            sam 7  9 months back

                                                            +Wesley Chapman then you should move to a war torn country and find peace in doing the manly job of destruction!

                                                          • Wesley Chapman
                                                            Wesley Chapman  1 years back

                                                            Most of the world's mass media are a vast wasteland of female narcissism, greed, and romantic fantasies.

                                                        • SW Sweetie
                                                          SW Sweetie  1 years back

                                                          I'm not getting married if I still have to work. I'm not interested in busting my hump at two jobs. One is enough.

                                                          • Harry Barry
                                                            Harry Barry  5 months back

                                                            +Wesley Chapman just exactly what I was going to say

                                                          • Wesley Chapman
                                                            Wesley Chapman  1 years back

                                                            Busting your hump? Seriously? You wouldn't know hard work if you tripped and fell into it, face first. Women are so spoiled now, with all their conveniences and labor-saving devices. Yet all you do is whine & complain.

                                                        • Tani
                                                          Tani  1 years back

                                                          Perfect humor and true words

                                                          • Panzer Hund
                                                            Panzer Hund  1 years back

                                                            To all the poor people - you are fine. - rich guy

                                                            • Faith Waithaka
                                                              Faith Waithaka  3 weeks back

                                                              Lol

                                                            • Α
                                                              Α  4 months back

                                                              Lol she doesnt believe her own bs

                                                          • Liza Lr
                                                            Liza Lr  1 years back

                                                            i thank you so much for this..THANK YOU.

                                                            • China Mai
                                                              China Mai  1 years back

                                                              So true after having a family

                                                              • Ginger Lee
                                                                Ginger Lee  1 years back

                                                                This is funny

                                                                • Green_Waldo
                                                                  Green_Waldo  1 years back

                                                                  I imagine her husband is miserable.

                                                                  • Tree seer
                                                                    Tree seer  2 years back

                                                                    Marriage is encouraged because it helps the economy make more money. This was a really good video!! Especially the end.

                                                                    • Andrew s
                                                                      Andrew s  1 years back

                                                                      Stephen B She's right, Marriage encourages men to contribute to the labor force and to the consumer market on behalf of their wives and children.

                                                                    • Stephen B
                                                                      Stephen B  1 years back

                                                                      Sunflowershowers lol wrong

                                                                  • Zarina Sultan
                                                                    Zarina Sultan  2 years back

                                                                    Thank you, thank you, thank you!