It's Time to Talk about Psychological and Verbal Abuse | Lizzy Glazer | TEDxPhillipsAcademyAndover

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  • Published: 04 April 2018
  • Psychological and verbal abuse are the most common elements of domestic violence, yet they are the least talked about. A survivor of domestic violence, Lizzy Glazer, discusses her experiences. In her TEDx talk, she identifies five common signs of abuse, acknowledges the guilt and shame victims feel, and raises awareness of the invisible scars of psychological and verbal abuse.
    Lizzy is a student at Phillips Academy in Andover, MA, USA. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Comments • 212

  • Brandi Bachert
    Brandi Bachert  2 days back

    I just want to lay down and die than deal with this daily. (Strength... in progress-not there yet). Still praying for him. Still praying for me, it’s my fault.

    • Kaitlyn617
      Kaitlyn617  4 days back

      I hope I get out of my situation soon 😞

      • Kat Siders
        Kat Siders  1 weeks back

        I cried while watching this whole thing. I am still emotionally trapped, torn, and afraid today but hopefully I will breathe again soon. Never give up. I won't.

        • Freya Morgan
          Freya Morgan  1 weeks back

          I didn’t know there was someone who went through what we are going through.

          • LuminanceSnow
            LuminanceSnow  1 weeks back

            It hits close to home...
            :(

            • Priority 1: Kindness
              Priority 1: Kindness  1 weeks back

              Her father is alarmingly similar to mine.

              • susanosky1
                susanosky1  2 weeks back

                Well done! Inspiring

                • Tash Super.Sweet
                  Tash Super.Sweet  3 weeks back

                  07:30 onwards these 5 signs are the typical characteristics of a narcissistic personality. But not all abusers are narcissistic...

                  • Denise Kinyon
                    Denise Kinyon  3 weeks back

                    I’m filled with feelings of loneliness, abandon, shame... I left him 2 months ago... but it’s been two months filled with fear, not trusting myself and my decisions. I was married for 21 years.😭😓😞

                    • Alma Vasquez
                      Alma Vasquez  3 weeks back

                      😔

                      • Ismail Bolden
                        Ismail Bolden  3 weeks back

                        Oh yes my father was pretty much the same way. He loves to intimate and establish his dominance / control. He also loves to constantly mention how much ownership he has over me and the home. Now he's simply taking money out of my account and threatens to kick me out if I deny him access.

                        • Ismail Bolden
                          Ismail Bolden  3 weeks back

                          "you have no leverage" -father

                          • Erika Hernandez
                            Erika Hernandez  4 weeks back

                            😭😭😭😭

                            • Jenic Darling
                              Jenic Darling  4 weeks back

                              Verbal and emotional abuse has truly affected me and molded the person i am. Its still happening but happy to know that theres a name for it and definition. My parents are divorced and both do it differently. I live with my mom who has anger and drinking issues, which only makes it worse and we're currently in a tough time and pinching pennies. And if she does something i didnt even have a part in like even something as simple as spilling something or had a bad day... is just on me and this girl is right, knowing your weak points like what ur sensitive about, name calling and destroying ur self worth and how u view yourself. I have depression since a kid, anxiety and social anxiety, ptsd from several things, had self harm, suicidal thoughts(1st was about 4th grade)and had been in a mental health unit 3 times just to name a few. A doctor i was seeing before they left to raise their kids said they thought i had borderline personality disorder but didnt like test me for it before they left but the doctor at the mental hospital had that in their notes about me but again not actually diagnosed with it yet. I never been in a relationship because of how my upbringing and present is. Who would want me? My Psychologists after telling her things of my childhood, and the present of things shes said and done told me it would be best for me if i didn't live with her. But im stuck, dont have money to live on my own or roommate with. Have trouble with job interviews i just get so nervous and flustered i cant think. Sometimes i think ill just end up in a relationship where they'll be bad too. Cause children of abuse have a higher chance of being with someone who will too, seeing how its normal for them

                              • poney misty
                                poney misty  1 months back

                                Emotional abuse is so hard to get over with because these narcissists I met in person have said things and treated human in a way that somehow made me think they have a point , but I’m glad I had the nature of being able to think “it doesn’t matter whether their offenses sounds right , what matters is my feelings and my bruises, I am allowed to exist the way I am” there are no such thing as positive offenses ,abuse is abuse.
                                And I just wanna say as a conclusion that narcissists will never have a point and they never did anyway so if you’re a loving person then feel free to exist the way you’d like.

                                • Shreya Jaikumar
                                  Shreya Jaikumar  1 months back

                                  Thank so, SO much for this! These are the issues that do not get talked about enough, and when they are there's this attitude of 'these people are weak for not spotting the red flags early on and leaving'.

                                  • Ainsley Flint
                                    Ainsley Flint  1 months back

                                    When my abusive husband left us my kids and I could shower whenever we wanted and eat food out of the fridge without being yelled at.

                                    • Theodore Sweger
                                      Theodore Sweger  1 months back

                                      Thank you this was most needed. The signs are point on, Oh, how I wish everyone could get and understand this message.

                                      • Josh Quick
                                        Josh Quick  1 months back

                                        I listened to this whole talk and I feel very split. On the one hand I'm sorry for the way that her father made her feel but at the same time I feel like she overly-demonizes him and conflates the verbal abuse at the same level of someone threatening her life. I know that loud and angry people can make one feel threatened but isn't this a bit different than someone actually hurting them? I'm sorry if this comment is insensitive but I just think that if we start overly demonizing people who are not deserving we start driving wedges between each other.

                                        • Molly Snyder
                                          Molly Snyder  1 months back

                                          Thank you

                                          • Mikey playz mp
                                            Mikey playz mp  1 months back

                                            Wow so true jus coming from my mother house from doing laundry n get accused of cheating every time I go to my mother house he tells me im doing something and I'm lying all the time im tired of this he is raging when I go outside for a second and when he does he can do whateva he wants I'm so tired

                                            • Hal Eloi
                                              Hal Eloi  1 months back

                                              Lost my parents at age 11 - Had abusive foster parent who pointed out my lacks, weaknesses but never my good points. I ran from her. Another advice: stay OUT of the military unless u have a love of being abused.

                                              • Mary Smith
                                                Mary Smith  2 months back

                                                When this young woman's father sees this presentation, he is going to be in denial. He may never believe he is actually that abusive individual.

                                                • Mary Smith
                                                  Mary Smith  2 months back

                                                  Abuse can come from many directions, genders, religious backgrounds, etc. BUT... the majority of abuse comes from men towards those who are weaker, ie. women and children!

                                                  • Grace Abimbola O.
                                                    Grace Abimbola O.  2 months back

                                                    Exactly!! I thought I was the only one who experienced this type of childhood....

                                                    • JC Needles
                                                      JC Needles  2 months back

                                                      I spent 16 years with an emotional abuser. Five years out of that relationship and I'm still trying to put myself back together. Some days I wonder if I'll ever get back the confidence and joy of life I had before I met him. Recovery is a slow and lonely road.

                                                      • Kendra Stevens
                                                        Kendra Stevens  3 weeks back

                                                        Im almost 11 yrs out. No you wont get "back to" who you were before. There is now a new normal for you. You move on and become a new you. Its not all bad. New life, new wants, new laughs, etc. Possibly new friends, new home, new job, maybe even a move! But, some of the demons will follow you for life. Talk to someone.

                                                    • Ray Rocanaldo
                                                      Ray Rocanaldo  2 months back

                                                      My dad was definitely a very big abuser. He was physically violent, aggressive, verbally abusive, punitive, etc...My childhood was a mess of abuse because of my father was an extremely angry person. He thought it was normal. He wonders today why nobody wants to listen to him.

                                                      • Steve Rotter
                                                        Steve Rotter  2 months back

                                                        Your father must have been my father. We hated living there. Identical story!

                                                      • Grace Kelly
                                                        Grace Kelly  2 months back

                                                        Wow this was my husband and parents! I went no contact and they joined ranks. They make it there mission to ruin me any way they can because I got away!

                                                        • Tammy Estes
                                                          Tammy Estes  2 months back

                                                          Thank you so much for standing up and giving the speech you’re an amazing woman

                                                          • Raja
                                                            Raja  2 months back

                                                            My stepdad is verbally abusive

                                                            • Nguyen Thuy Giang
                                                              Nguyen Thuy Giang  2 months back

                                                              Thank you so much for letting me know I am not alone.

                                                            • Starya
                                                              Starya  2 months back

                                                              M literally weeping now. I dont want my daughter to have a father I am dating.

                                                              • THE XM / THE VINTAGE ROOM

                                                                My Dad did the same thing

                                                                • Jay Charles
                                                                  Jay Charles  2 months back

                                                                  Glad i walked out of school in 10th grade and went home to learn. 100x better, no assholes to deal with each day.

                                                                  • Jaz War
                                                                    Jaz War  2 months back

                                                                    Amazing

                                                                    • irinaimme
                                                                      irinaimme  2 months back

                                                                      this is so brave of her. i am so proud of her for speaking up about it like this.i am an 18 year old girl who grew up with two abusive parents (i’m an only child too...) and only recently i started to realise what was happening was abusive and not ok. i thought i was the problem all these years but i wasn’t. i started an instagram account @psychabusesurvivors to offer a voice for all people who went through this abuse too. i hope more awareness can be raised on it.

                                                                      • changingsterotypes
                                                                        changingsterotypes  2 months back

                                                                        Thebit about your dad cornering u in your room and u felt scared for ur life. Yeh I felt that last night and it why I didn't go over his.

                                                                        • changingsterotypes
                                                                          changingsterotypes  2 months back

                                                                          Does saying it my fault an argument started when I just said I was ganna hang out with my friends whike u hang out with yours?

                                                                          • changingsterotypes
                                                                            changingsterotypes  2 months back

                                                                            I feel this

                                                                            • Shelden Carroll
                                                                              Shelden Carroll  2 months back

                                                                              Essentially what you are describing is someone who is trapped in a relationship with a narcissist! To discover that you were never loved after a 14 year relationship is mind blowing devastating! To know that can't protect your children from this person who just so happens to be their mother is crippling, a feeling you can't quite name but makes you feel as though you are suffocating! 😭

                                                                              • I Only Live For Lams
                                                                                I Only Live For Lams  2 months back

                                                                                She is accomplishing so much, and she is goregous, and smart, and is sharing her voice, and she is fit! She deserves the best. No one should tell her such awful things.





                                                                                You. You are too. You are beautiful. You are going to go far in life. You can do this.

                                                                                • Patricia Simons
                                                                                  Patricia Simons  2 months back

                                                                                  Excellent and ty

                                                                                  • Jason Luong
                                                                                    Jason Luong  2 months back

                                                                                    I know of a family where this happened. And this speaker hit so close to home. I recall hearing where the dad in that family acting out. After work, the dad would come home, and recall where the dad would come home to find the kids playing video games or the house was messy. In a flash, the dad would start screaming and shouting and start hitting the kids. And, mom would try to defend the kids.


                                                                                    I think it's important to understand that there are so many factors, especially how abuse is generated, and how it is a cycle. I think the abuser has a deep seeded feeling of insecurity in their life. As a result of this lack of stability, I think the abuser feels like some type of way - in that it manifests itself through trigger behaviors. I think another thing to consider is that the abusers aren't usually aware of their feelings. They know that something disturbs them, and as a result, act out.

                                                                                    • Christina Brown
                                                                                      Christina Brown  2 months back

                                                                                      I'm not the only one; you're not alone.

                                                                                      • Jessica Love
                                                                                        Jessica Love  2 months back

                                                                                        Its hard because he would never say these things but he would show it. He would manipulate the situation so I felt as if he was saying those words

                                                                                        • Lisa DeSmith
                                                                                          Lisa DeSmith  2 months back

                                                                                          You so elequently reflect my path

                                                                                          • Songbird
                                                                                            Songbird  2 months back

                                                                                            What can I legally do about my emotionally abusive parents? I'm 12

                                                                                            • Songbird
                                                                                              Songbird  2 months back

                                                                                              +MrKensanity yeah that's what I'm going to do. It's just sometimes it's just threats in a calm voice. Thanks for the help. If I ever am free I'll tell you. 😊

                                                                                            • MrKensanity
                                                                                              MrKensanity  2 months back

                                                                                              Physical evidence isn't a necessity, as the speaker said, emotional abuse is recognized. If you do want to go in with proof though, I'd recommend voice recording your house and cutting together the bad bits

                                                                                            • Songbird
                                                                                              Songbird  2 months back

                                                                                              +MrKensanity the problem is I don't have any physical evidence left

                                                                                            • MrKensanity
                                                                                              MrKensanity  2 months back

                                                                                              Mandated reporters are generally not allowed to talk to a potential victims parents for fear of further retaliation. I'm assuming you haven't tried this before, and I'm really urging you too, because I wish I would have. If you've already tried this, you can always contact CPS or your countries equivalent.