How To Have the "What Are We?" Conversation


Comments • 312

  • Mathew Boggs
    Mathew Boggs   2 years back

    Interested in receiving coaching from Mat? Click here:

    • Kiran Shekaran
      Kiran Shekaran  10 months back

      Mathew Boggs x

    • Rabia Ozkan
      Rabia Ozkan  12 months back

      Mathew Boggs-- I don't know what to make of my?? Like what are we???? He treats me good he spoon feeds me ice cream he says and does nice things for me he gets me little gifts. Then I ask for a little more of him and he gets defensive go figure?? I don't know what to think?? I break up with him on regular basis and still he comes back!! I can be really cruel when I do this but all this b.s. he wants to pull away after all we been through all this sh*t. I did the no contact thing for 2 weeks he came hesitantly back to me on his own. I gave no ultimatums I gave no special requirements. I love him unconditionally now. I would not ever tell him that for fear of what he might say!! I can't figure us out. I know he's trying to be a better person and evolve, not change him but aid him in his evolving as a human being and a man. I love him like a best friend we tell each other stuff we'd never tell anyone else. He's jealous and use to be BIG player. He's really super handsome and was a whore for years. I need answers I'm sick of being patient!! I will if I have to, but why am I so afraid to bring this topic up of " What are we?."

    • The Cowboy
      The Cowboy  1 years back

      Mathew Boggs - Do these rules apply if you're the guy?

      The reason I'm asking this, is because I've heard it said that you should not have those conversations, because it can make you look weak in the other person's eyes, like you are not secure enough to know when you're in a relationship, when you have that person or not.

      That being said, could you please do a video about how to define rules, when it comes to having a Friends with Benefits arrangement.

    • Delorah Official
      Delorah Official  1 years back

      Hey Mat i really love your advice ! it is Amazing , big fan here

    • Y Dh
      Y Dh  2 years back

      It has been 6 months since you wrote this. If he still does not know what he wants, tell him you will give him some room to figure out what he wants, since you want the best for him, and don't want to pressure him, and hope you are available when he makes up his mind....and if he wants to be single, then take that opportunity to find someone who wants a serious relationship!!

  • Arachnid
    Arachnid  1 weeks back

    There are people saying that if you have to ask it means he is not serious but I think it depends. There was guy I dated who I asked and he ended up becoming a very serious and committed boyfriend. However even before that, he had started acting like a boyfriend by being the for me etc. I think he was just shy. I don't think it is about who asks the question rather the guy's personality. If you ask and he accepts but becomes a shitty boyfriend, well there is your answer, billions of men left.

    • Steve Zali
      Steve Zali  2 weeks back

      I just got helped with my relationship thanks to tose guys: It changed my life :)

      • peacefull eagle
        peacefull eagle  2 months back

        is a guy wants exclusity with you the woman should ask are you ready to fill my cup with love and attention.

        • Stephy Bartlett
          Stephy Bartlett  2 months back

          Thankyou soooo much!!! I need to have this conversation with this guy I’ve been dating so this is really helpful in preparing myself

          • MJackson
            MJackson  2 months back

            My fiend likes my brother... which I’m fine with! And now she wants me to watch videos for her😂😂🤷🏻‍♀️

            • Lava Yuki
              Lava Yuki  3 months back

              One way is to see what he introduces you as to his friends/ family. It avoids asking directly or having to talk about it

              • Anatolia Dse
                Anatolia Dse  3 months back

                I’m so sure he doesn’t feel the same way... should I still tell him or just move on?

                • Lisa
                  Lisa  3 months back

                  Is it necessary to do this if his actions show we're in an exclusive relationship and he's called me his girlfriend in a non direct way?

                  • Adela
                    Adela  3 months back

                    Thanks for the advice :)

                    • Write Art
                      Write Art  3 months back

                      Are we talking about adults here?

                      • Lauren R
                        Lauren R  4 months back

                        thanks so much mathew. this really helped.

                        • Nimashi Abeyrathna
                          Nimashi Abeyrathna  4 months back

                          Where are you my Man😊😊

                          • Phoenix Layne
                            Phoenix Layne  5 months back

                            LOL...I poured my hear out & told him how much I love him after 6 yrs of "whatever it is we have" He said "I wanted a relationship with you in the beginning...but you seemed to only want me for sex" I almost lost it!!! " OH NO! DO NOT turn that back on me, I was so DAMAGED, you were constantly ghosting me..which gave me space as NOT TO PUSH YOU HARDER AWAY! AND I wouldn't RUN away as usual. HAD YOU TOLD ME that...we could have talked about everything, what you wanted & what you expected & vice-versa" I found out on the 7th of Jan 2019...he was "engaged to another chick" then on the 11th they broke up because he "caught her cheating on him" thenon the 18th he was engaged to a 27 yr old!" I have NEVER BEEN so DEVASTATED like that b4...I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!!! & I have been is like someone died SUDDENLY..that someone was "ME"
                            Can YOU HELP?" NOW he comes back around on Feb 13th...I answered the phone & I was crying...he said "I haven't talked to U n a while...I miss you." I fell for the BULL SH^^! He came over, was here about 45 minutes & left...he blew up my phone on the 18th, 19th, 20th, & 21st...He again came over & was here about 45 minutes & left. I CANNOT GO THRU HIM "LEAVING ME AGAIN" I have secluded myself away from the world & I call in SICK to work at least 2 times a week..........I can't seem to get motivated to "DO ANYTHING BUT CRY"
                            H E L P !!!

                            • Kate Kate
                              Kate Kate  5 months back

                              And when he says that he doesn’t want to formalize the relationship, that it is fine like it is? Do I just accept it? Do I start seeing other men? Do I tell him that I am seeing other men?

                              • Normajean757
                                Normajean757  5 months back

                                He said working on us. How to respond to that?

                                • Miriam Herndon
                                  Miriam Herndon  6 months back

                                  Now that's smooth!

                                  • GayleneFlower
                                    GayleneFlower  6 months back

                                    That was the WORST advice ever!! when mentioned to him that i had an awkward question, the friend line,etc... He said"Why are your friends questioning your business? This isn't high school!" "You have to talk to your friends about this?"Stop pushin me!" Then "Well, what doYOU think our status is?" Then, I said something about maybe I wasn't his type, etc...and he became REALLY mad and went to bed-told me I could leave if I wanted to. Worst advice ever... and another lady on YouTube is copying you and giving the same advice.... wow hang it up dude

                                    • ishita luthra
                                      ishita luthra  6 months back

                                      so i have this question how early is too early to ask what are we question ?

                                      • Parastou Kiani
                                        Parastou Kiani  7 months back

                                        I wish I would’ve watched this video before blowing my chances with my I don’t know to call him “ex” now or what! I stuck in a very awkward situation which I’d like to have your opinion in a one-one coaching session!

                                        • Chimalmita1
                                          Chimalmita1  7 months back

                                          Research by David Buss shows that when a woman starts the "What are we" conversation, a man starts to see her as a low-status woman. The same happens when a woman initiates a conversation about marriage. But there is a solution to make the right guy commited - date as many men as you can fit into your schedule (without getting sexually involved, of course) until HE asks you to be exclusive.

                                          • Johana Onderková
                                            Johana Onderková  7 months back

                                            Did this and it actually worked! I asked him and he said that he could ask me the same question 😂 but then he said yes!

                                            • Madeline Brigit
                                              Madeline Brigit  7 months back

                                              I'm so glad i found this video. There's this guy at school, we hang out all of the time, go everywhere together, make excuses to be together, and do dating things like to the movies. We're not officially dating but i do like him and everyone else is even betting on when we're gonna start dating. After seeing this, I'm gonna ask about it either in the class the most betting is in or after/during the movie.

                                              • dcstapley
                                                dcstapley  7 months back

                                                So, how about when your little niece springs “are you auntie’s boyfriend” on him, he says “yep”, and then after she leaves informs you he was “just giving the easiest answer for a 4 year old?”

                                                • BigSistahTips
                                                  BigSistahTips  8 months back

                                                  Girls... I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 weeks very often already and he introduced me to his parents and friends (just introduced me) plus I talked to mine about him because he felt it was unfair of me not to do that. Since I’m from Argentina and he’s from New Zealand I don’t know if this is a difference between cultures or if he’s playing with me, but, we plan things ahead and we do commit to this plans. But then, during the week he ignores me completely. He may text me from time to time but very cold, yet when we set a date, we do go out and behave like a couple. He also asked me to go to Argentina to meet my family and friends . He’s very sweet and kind, and very honest, but this “ignoring” thing is making me uncomfortable. Like, he recently asked me how my day went and after I answered I asked him how was his and he didn’t answer... wtf? And then texts me the day after like nothing happened. I don’t know, it’s only been 3 weeks, I don’t wanna be pushy, that’s why I’m asking before confronting him. He’s really sweet and I don’t want to mess this one up by being too needy. I come from a 10 year shitty relationship and from what I’m starting to see he’s the kind of person I want and need right now. Honest, responsible, kind, funny, protective.
                                                  Don’t know how to approach him and tell him what I want without sounding too needy. Help, please?

                                                  • BigSistahTips
                                                    BigSistahTips  8 months back

                                                    Aldana nada, me dijo que no quiere nada serio pero que no quiere dejar de verme... en fin. Al menos ahora sé que la puedo pasar bien sin preocuparme y tener mis frentes abiertos tranquila. Pero admito que me dolió el ego un poco jeje. Igual después me mando mensajes hablando de que lo reconecté con sus sentimientos y eso. No sé, no voy a negar que en el fondo me gustaría que eventualmente se dé... pero qué se yo.

                                                  • BigSistahTips
                                                    BigSistahTips  8 months back

                                                    Aldana seh. Pasa que me presenta a su familia y me dice de pasar año nuevo juntos y de querer conocer a mi familia y después desaparece así. Y yo re fría hasta que me pidió que le diga qué onda yo y bueno, me deje llevar y le correspondí.
                                                    Me parece hasta de mala educación. No quiero que me escriba todos los días ni definir la relación. Pero tratarme con frialdad de onda me parece una forreada gratuita. Obvio que le hablaré bien y todo, pero no puedo tolerar que me forree.

                                                  • Aldana
                                                    Aldana  8 months back

                                                    Hola! Ya sé que pediste una respuesta de Mat pero vi que eras de Argentina y quería contestar jaja. La semana pasada tuve el mismo problema con el chico con el que ando saliendo.. y la verdad es que, si no te escribe a diario o te deja colgada, pasa 1 de 2 cosas: o está realmente ocupado y aunque te piensa no tiene tiempo, o la verdad si la pasa bien con vos cuando salen y eso pero te toma más como una amiga con beneficios... Porque el hombre es básico en eso, si te tiene en su cabeza te escribe y te busca aunque vos ni le hables.
                                                    Podés tenerle paciencia y esperar o preguntarle si le pasa algo, si las cosas andan bien, si anda ocupado, etc.

                                                • JDTravelLife
                                                  JDTravelLife  8 months back


                                                  • j0st iris
                                                    j0st iris  8 months back

                                                    THANk YOU

                                                    • Tatijana Caldrmoska
                                                      Tatijana Caldrmoska  9 months back

                                                      Hi, i like a guy and we've been been close friends for five months now. I don't know how to express my feelings to him, please help me and give some advice on how to tell him

                                                      • writerspen010
                                                        writerspen010  9 months back

                                                        2:15 - That literally happened with me and my new bf yesterday xD

                                                        • Ashley Dennis
                                                          Ashley Dennis  9 months back

                                                          I’ve had this conversation with a guy I’ve been seeing for 5 months. He basically said he adores me and agreed we are exclusive, however, he did have a caveat and that was he doesn’t like labels and that the last two relationships he had were terrible. Though, to note, he had agreed I may call him my boyfriend to reduce any awkwardness with my father when he meets him. (Confusing, right?)
                                                          He is incredible, he makes future plans with me, I’ve met all of his closest friends, and he is affectionate with me in public a lot. I genuinely think he wants to be with me.
                                                          I still worry though - I’m trying to be understanding and just enjoy my time with him regardless of the label. What are your thoughts?
                                                          Is this his way of being noncommittal so he has the freedom to leave anytime, or do you think he genuinely just doesn’t like labels?

                                                          • rr ucha
                                                            rr ucha  9 months back

                                                            ah this is exactly what i experience right now, i’ve known this guy for almost a year but we live far from each other although we text everyday he always the one who contacted me first, and the last few months we get more intense, we’d visit each other on our free time he let me stay at his place whenever i visit. but i really don’t know what are we sometimes it feels easy sometimes it feels very casual but he’s always nice and pursue me first. and few weeks ago he didn’t text me for few days (not the first time, he did that sometimes like when he’s at work - he works away in the dessert- or when he went on vacation but i usually understand that bcs i thought he would be busy) and i get tired of waiting and having the same circle, so i brought it up to him and told him that he needs to figure out what he wants and i would take some space. he was surprised but he didn’t exactly give me “the answer” although he suddenly text me every little thing he did and always wanted to call, and being two times nicer. but still i don’t know what are we and am frustrated 😥

                                                            • Agnes Holiness
                                                              Agnes Holiness  10 months back

                                                              Met My Boyfriend i april 2018 and he is Crazy about me .
                                                              He give me almost Authority on his belong 💖💪 but Im not Good for him 😂

                                                              • sanchi ohri
                                                                sanchi ohri  10 months back

                                                                What if he says he dnt knw....or he ll think abt this in future...or he is afraid if we get into reltnshp thn might gt hurt....or he needs plzz

                                                                • Sunshyne84
                                                                  Sunshyne84  9 months back

                                                                  sanchi ohri then you have to decide how much more time you’re willing to invest

                                                              • Jessica Jackson
                                                                Jessica Jackson  11 months back

                                                                Ok so it's been 9 months since we needed now during the 5 months I was seeing this guy everything was great so my approach was it's been an amazing 5 months and not that I'm pressuring you or us but I'll like to know Where do we stand are we exclusive, just friends or What? understand it's no pressure but I'm very happy with you and it feels amazing so he says " It sounds like pressure😳😳😳I couldn't believe him I was lost for words..I've never pressured a man to be with me I'm extremely confident in myself so I said hold up I'm not pressuring you at all.
                                                                so 5 mins late he's like Lol call me once you're off work..shocking I was hurt because I didn't pressure him I simply asked a question. I didn't see anything wrong when he's pursued me saying things like he trust me, finally you came along, being there emotionally for me I mean just everything so he called me and once we started talking...I made it clear I've never pressured or begged a man to be honest with me so he says I didn't call to talk about that I simply want to know How you're doing 😳😳I threw my hands up...while I tried to end the convo he started talking about everything but the main I left him alone and wish him well but I do miss him but I know something better will come along.

                                                                • The Vegan Villainess
                                                                  The Vegan Villainess  11 months back

                                                                  I just say he's my boyfriend, lol. But I think I need to double check if that's what he really wants. We've been dating for two months now. Maybe I'm just very assertive in my relationships as a woman, lol 😂

                                                                  • Eva L
                                                                    Eva L  7 months back

                                                                    Zone 9 LOL

                                                                • London LiketheBridge
                                                                  London LiketheBridge  11 months back

                                                                  This is genius! Just what I needed!!

                                                                  • Erikka Linn
                                                                    Erikka Linn  11 months back

                                                                    I told him he is mine and he said he is okay with that. What does it mean? Are we like exclusive now? Or Am I his gf?

                                                                    • Morium Akthar
                                                                      Morium Akthar  11 months back

                                                                      You won't even have to ask. There will be zero doubt.

                                                                      • Susan Wilson
                                                                        Susan Wilson  11 months back

                                                                        As an older woman, dating a terrific man who is just recently free of an awful, long-term marriage, I've found that he balks at putting any labels on our 'friendship' - so I'm just letting things move along at a relaxed pace, and we are getting closer every 'date'; I imagine that one of these days it will dawn on him just how perfectly compatible we are, and he will not be afraid to 'get serious' about us a a couple. Being older, and not looking for someone to have a home and children with is really a different situation than when younger and wanting those things. Even after a year, we have both refrained from using the "L-word" (love), except to say, "I love this about you, and that about you, etc." -- so someday, it makes sense that it applies to the whole person! ~ I just want to keep him in my life, and I think he is feeling the same way. ~

                                                                        • lightinthedusk
                                                                          lightinthedusk  2 months back

                                                                          Susan Wilson Hmm...if a guy wants to be with a woman, why would he “balk” at labels? He would WANT to label you guys as being in a relationship. Sounds like he’s just another typical guy who likes to string a woman along under a vague label of “friendship”, which really just means he is still looking at other women out there while he keeps you around conveniently as a “friend” while he still receives more than friends benefits from you. That’s what a guy did to me, we were friends first, he pushed it beyond friends, and then started to get vague around labels. Well I don’t like giving a guy benefits beyond friends if he just keeps saying “friends or more-than-friends” instead of “girlfriend”. Suffice to say, he is no longer even a “friend” in my life, I cut him off completely. Guys shouldn’t get to have their cake and eat it too. Why should they get the benefit of a woman’s time, company, affection, care, etc, and yet the woman needs to tiptoe around labels for fear of scaring him away? If he scares so easily he doesn’t deserve the time, affection and company the woman is giving to him! You want to be friends? Fine by me, but you will only get friend benefits, no physical affection, no dominating my time with “dates” and “texts”. If a guy wants all of that yet doesn’t want to label it what he should, then he is a player or a dud, and it’s better you let him go

                                                                      • calistyle95
                                                                        calistyle95  11 months back

                                                                        I asked him the what are we question and he said I don't know with a very nervous and awkward tone in his voice... he said we weren't friends we weren't lovers we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend we weren't ef buddies but we interacted like a married couple... go figure!! 🙊🙎‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

                                                                        • Nikolina Vukadin
                                                                          Nikolina Vukadin  12 months back


                                                                          • Tiffany X
                                                                            Tiffany X  12 months back

                                                                            I really don't want to be the girlfriend of.a man who doesn't clearly know that he wants to be my boyfriend. So no, it's not entirely up to "him".

                                                                            • Tiffany X
                                                                              Tiffany X  12 months back

                                                                              I asked this question, it made him think & he came back with this response: "you can tell them that we are seeing each other".

                                                                              • Jasmin P. Wall
                                                                                Jasmin P. Wall  12 months back

                                                                                If we have questions for you, Mat Boggs, where/how do we address them? Do you accept email? 📧

                                                                                • The Cowboy
                                                                                  The Cowboy  12 months back

                                                                                  Can you do a video of how to have this conversation when you're the man, and what to do?

                                                                                  And how do you know if she wants to be your girlfriend, espcially if she doesn't tell you when you ask her? In that case, what are her specific actions going to be that will tell you if she wants a relationship?

                                                                                  ( To give you a scenario that the second question is based on, say you like her and you ask her what you guys are, or say you want a relationship with her, and she doesn't give you a straight answer.)

                                                                                  • Astrolore - Astrology by Laurie

                                                                                    there is an underlying assumption here that I find disturbing. Why does she need to find out from him what they are? Shouldn't the assumption be that they need to find out together?

                                                                                    • Chris Betty Emery
                                                                                      Chris Betty Emery  1 years back


                                                                                      • Sonia Verma
                                                                                        Sonia Verma  1 years back

                                                                                        Been talking to my old friend after so many he has 2 kids..n seperated ..really like him. We talk as friends. Really don't know how to ask this question