Select the right relationship | Alexandra Redcay | TEDxUpperEastSide

  • Published: 30 August 2013
  • Are you ready to talk about relationships? Alexandra Redcay is the executive director to Serise, Inc. She can be found at Alexandra has over 18 years of direct practice, management, and training experience working in mental health, substance abuse, child welfare, juvenile justice, and education systems. She is an expert consultant in establishing healthy relationships.

    In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 1 516

  • Reichieru1
    Reichieru1  3 hours back

    But what if you're that person who is always being overlooked?

    • YouTube Bopperette DeepThoughtX

      Hate to throw in a negative comment but it has to be said. I'm tha biggest pothead i know other than my brother and we both work just fine thanks. It doesn't stop you being productive. It's your mentality that does that...

      • Aalpha Splatt
        Aalpha Splatt  5 days back

        I don't take advice from people who have psychological issues. Clearly she has issues because she tries to project sterotypical masculinity through the way she dresses, and SHE has a WIFE.
        Although what she said is true, maybe she should ask herself why she is married to a female. That's not natural so it's a problem...and it stems from her childhood.

        • Matty P
          Matty P  5 days back

          Some great advice. Really enjoyed this.

          • Shawn J
            Shawn J  7 days back

            Hook up too your best friend!

            • Seek R
              Seek R  1 weeks back

              This is the worst advice for women...female friends will most times backstab ya...they will sabotage your solid relationship with terrible thoughts and ideas and enjoy being the conductor of your downfall...real talk not ted talk!

              • MONEY TIME
                MONEY TIME  1 weeks back

                Worst advice in the world lmfao

                • marisaande
                  marisaande  1 weeks back

                  Boy, are you wrong. I listened to all of them, they had it wrong... i was right but I saw him was ready to walk away but i messed up because I listened to them and not myself .
                  sorry but it's almost like I heard your voice then as I listenef to them instead of myself. I knew and I denied it I saw it and denied it. And I screwed up my life it's still something I can't cime back from and cant come back from as he was so abusive.

                  • Um Umm
                    Um Umm  1 weeks back

                    I saw red flags in the beginning. I should of ran in the beginning. I agree.

                    • yarakd
                      yarakd  2 weeks back


                      • Queen Mia
                        Queen Mia  2 weeks back

                        Very insightful! Thank you!

                        • Erin Stevens
                          Erin Stevens  2 weeks back

                          No answers here

                          • lee carter
                            lee carter  2 weeks back

                            Go. MGTOW

                            • EL MEXICANO MALCOLM X
                              EL MEXICANO MALCOLM X  2 weeks back

                              When a man is in love with a women his friends and family cant ever change any of that, but if a woman is in love with a man her friends and family could easily change all of that. Facts!

                              • EPC English Incorporation

                                a speactacular video on self esteem.

                                • Geert Matthys
                                  Geert Matthys  2 weeks back

                                  Djee lady, some people don't wanna be all alone in some NYC studio at 50 yapping about the arts so you do you and don't harass others 😁

                                  • FilmFrucht
                                    FilmFrucht  2 weeks back

                                    11:33 this is golden.

                                    • Raymond Yocum
                                      Raymond Yocum  2 weeks back

                                      learn to be happy single?

                                      • Hima Zacharia
                                        Hima Zacharia  3 weeks back

                                        For those who don't agree with the listen to 'friends and family' part. She means people you trust, people whom you love and you're sure loves you. For me it's my parents and my cousin sister, for you, if may be your best friend. If you don't have even a single person like that, then you should be building a solid friendship instead of trying to improve your love life.

                                        • Terry Howard
                                          Terry Howard  3 weeks back

                                          Loved this video ♥️!

                                          • Ulugbek Kadyrbekov
                                            Ulugbek Kadyrbekov  3 weeks back

                                            ... Right?

                                            • Lunegra
                                              Lunegra  3 weeks back

                                              I don’t think you should ALWAYS listen to the people around you. Yes, considering advice is great, but you can’t allow people to make decisions for you. Especially people who don’t have all the details.

                                              • Ani Pelaez
                                                Ani Pelaez  3 weeks back


                                                • Moe Camara
                                                  Moe Camara  3 weeks back

                                                  This was horrible, she just kept repeating what the problem was and ultimately gave us no solution and she obviously does not like men

                                                  • Georgiana speaks
                                                    Georgiana speaks  3 weeks back

                                                    I think trusting somebody's potential is a mistake. Trust how are already are not what you think they could be! Red flags and bad behaviour tend to get worse not better. Great talk with some new info

                                                    • dahMAN
                                                      dahMAN  3 weeks back

                                                      thinking this way will get you nowhere. people can change. it literally happens all the time. you just have to understand why they're the way they are to find the cause. im not saying its easy but you need to find what is holding you back and let go of it. trust it will hurt and it will be uncomfortable. but the beautiful thing is that when you're uncomfortable you're growing. cheers!

                                                  • Dmitry Samoilov
                                                    Dmitry Samoilov  3 weeks back

                                                    Maybe one of the questions is can I imagine this person to be my friend in the end whatever happens even if we talk once or twice in case we part or are we just overwhelmed with hormones and solving our unresolved issues. Deep inside do we care for each other.

                                                    • anshul chintur
                                                      anshul chintur  3 weeks back

                                                      Somebody tell me what happened to des????????

                                                      • Chris Grant
                                                        Chris Grant  3 weeks back

                                                        Go Vegan 💚✌️😉

                                                        • bruce gillies
                                                          bruce gillies  3 weeks back

                                                          Communication and expectations, that's it

                                                          • Rebeca S
                                                            Rebeca S  4 weeks back

                                                            "Well you just don't know him, he's different when we're alone" was my personal favorite. That difference in his behavior that I had fallen for changed towards the end of the relationship, he made sure I knew I was no longer his priority and used manipulation tactics I had never even heard of.

                                                            • gerardo reyes
                                                              gerardo reyes  4 weeks back

                                                              Omg. Who is this lady. This is the best Ted talk ever. I wish I listened this before my bad relationship for almost five years. This person is the best speaker.

                                                              • E B
                                                                E B  3 weeks back

                                                                Look up 'thefemininewoman' on line. Sign up for their emails, those guys are amazing for relationship advice :)

                                                            • fiona scheibel
                                                              fiona scheibel  4 weeks back

                                                              Reminds me of the saying. In a wedding the we walk down the Isle. We stand at the Altar and we sing a Hymn. And all the time the woman is thinking I'll Alter Him.

                                                              • Billy Jackson
                                                                Billy Jackson  4 weeks back

                                                                Ladys stop bashing men and treat them the way you expect to be treated instead of putting in the 10 years and cashing out for the cash and prizes of divorce.

                                                                • Billy Jackson
                                                                  Billy Jackson  4 weeks back

                                                                  Peterpans?...They are peter pans because they know their peter will end up in a frying pan or worst.

                                                                  • Goddess
                                                                    Goddess  4 weeks back

                                                                    Lets stop using the word "fail" to describe a relationship ending. The relationship can still be successful and come to a healthy end.

                                                                    • It's ok To be white
                                                                      It's ok To be white  4 weeks back

                                                                      Knowledge makes loneliness feel awesome if you know people you cant love them
                                                                      If you love people you cant really get to know them...

                                                                      • jing du
                                                                        jing du  4 weeks back

                                                                        this is just the first video from TED I feel sooo incorrect, she said her wife passed her test? Love is NOT a test! listen to yourself in love, not anyone else.

                                                                        • Yourmoms Asshole
                                                                          Yourmoms Asshole  4 weeks back


                                                                          • Ruby Hsu
                                                                            Ruby Hsu  1 months back

                                                                            Am I the one still not opening my eyes?

                                                                            • Sergio Andrés Verdugo Montenegro

                                                                              Why does this lady incist in to say that a broken relationship is a waste of time ... nothing farther from the truth. Passion, fun, sympathy , patient, honesty... and a lot of bravery takes to accept and have the companion of other person. Of course a relationship comes with the good and the bad. After all, happiness is a construction... a cathredal its take a lot of time to build, hard work, and sometimes suffering. You take your shots, listen your soul and heart ... and be confidente in your self. Know that you are good enough to achive your goals and dreams... friends and family are there for you to hold you if something bad happen. Not to tell you what to do

                                                                              • OM:Orchestrated Manifesting

                                                                                I love almost all of this the only thing I caution about is getting advice from others. Advice can be a slippery slope. All opinions are based on the givers filters, schemas and experiences.

                                                                                • Kitty's korner
                                                                                  Kitty's korner  1 months back

                                                                                  A relationship with a cluster b personality disordered person does produce a drug in our brain. That sweet/mean cycle they use produces the same chemicals in our brains that getting high does. We become addicted to the behavior not the person. A person wanting to go fast with you is the first sign and that's when you should run.

                                                                                  • MariaMaria
                                                                                    MariaMaria  4 weeks back

                                                                                    Do you have any reading/articles on this? This is inspiring (i want to be a writer)

                                                                                • zerny
                                                                                  zerny  1 months back

                                                                                  06:55 well, people around us are really just the spectators. They can’t just perceive every detail of the situation. It should only be the protagonists that get to contemplate the whole thing. But then again it’s pretty hard for us to do when feelings are involved.

                                                                                  • Intuitivelogic
                                                                                    Intuitivelogic  1 months back

                                                                                    You need to understand your partners morals values and beliefs, and also gauge their emotional maturity and that their intelligence is compatable enough with yours that you can be kept mentally stimulated

                                                                                    • Akbope Nurmakhanbet
                                                                                      Akbope Nurmakhanbet  1 months back

                                                                                      This woman is😍😍😍😅

                                                                                      • Cristina Cristina
                                                                                        Cristina Cristina  1 months back

                                                                                        Thanks for this......I needed this talk

                                                                                        • Helen Shahbazyan
                                                                                          Helen Shahbazyan  1 months back

                                                                                          I believe in love yesterday today and tomorrow. I know that I will find, and whenever I find I will write a comment under my comment 😊Guys I wish you to find your ♥️if you don't find it yet.

                                                                                          • Don Wald
                                                                                            Don Wald  1 months back

                                                                                            Women can leave any time and take everything.