The gifts of infidelity | Kelsey Grant | TEDxGastownWomen

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  • Published: 31 August 2015
  • In this talk, Kelsey tells the story of her lover's infidelity. While at first heartbroken, she was able to pull three "gifts" from the experience, and is grateful for it and where it took her and her partner.

    Kelsey Grant is passionate about living in a world where people feel inspired, fulfilled, balanced and happy within the expansiveness of their intimate relationships. As a Relationship Coach rooted in Radical Self Love Methodology, her writing has been featured on various platforms such as My Tiny Secrets, One Life Momentum, Independent Awakening and Young and Raw.

    When she is not writing about love or supporting coaches, thought leaders and game changers in accessing greater alignment for their leadership and relationships to thrive, she is busy running a local sisterhood circle that is a safe space for women to share what is really going on behind the scenes of their lives.

    Currently, she is teaching “The Alchemy Of Love” program- her flagship series designed to create proper space from the inside out, for love to emerge in a greater way than ever before.

    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Comments • 556

  • Jo Pederick
    Jo Pederick  1 days back

    Wow, what planet is this woman on? There are probably more women than she even knows about and the pattern of her partner's behaviour will never change.
    For the third woman I find it interesting that she reached out to her. Yes she was willing to have relations with Kelsey's boyfriend but what about her partner taking responsibility?? Crazy :-P

    • Brenda Vega
      Brenda Vega  4 days back

      Girl... that “final bit of truth” clearly hasn’t happened for you yet... he’ll do it again, and it sounds like you’ll continue to put up with being de-valued. Wake up, and move on

      • TheTwinkleGG
        TheTwinkleGG  6 days back

        Can't finish watching this. Poor woman needs to wake up.

        • Josh Parks
          Josh Parks  2 weeks back

          Cheaters are capable of anything. They have demonstrated they have no respect for you. Get away from them before they literally ruin your life.

          • Michelle Meow
            Michelle Meow  2 weeks back

            Kelsey, you have to leave this guy. And to stop messaging the other woman.

            • joe blow
              joe blow  2 weeks back

              Someone doesnt put out...

              • Priya Singh
                Priya Singh  3 weeks back

                What a incorrect message to give to women when a man cheats why would you take him back and give him the chance to do again and again walk away have some pride and work on yourself to attract the right person who will have the respect for you not to cheat on you instead of allowing a toxic person back into your life to better future down the track people hardly change. That’s the truth

                • pitbull teeth
                  pitbull teeth  3 weeks back

                  This speaks volumes. She found gifts in something that could break another person. This isn’t a toxic relationship, that isn’t the point of the talk! If you find yourself judging this, then listen again. Like she said in the beginning, drop any preconceived thoughts on this touchy subject and try on a new thought. The thought that focuses on self love and understanding. ♥️

                  • blueforeverblue
                    blueforeverblue  3 weeks back

                    Let love reign

                    • BaronLickilicky
                      BaronLickilicky  4 weeks back

                      She’s making excuses for her partner’s multiple instances of cheating. I know how difficult it is to leave someone who you loved because they cheated on you, but convincing yourself that their infidelity is a ‘gift’ which is improving your ‘love’ is a joke. Cheating isn’t acceptable, it’s not your fault, and it means they no longer love or respect you. You should never tolerate cheating.

                      • Sherlock h87
                        Sherlock h87  4 weeks back

                        Ted Talk has No quality control.

                        • SKMusic
                          SKMusic  4 weeks back

                          I’m speechless...but I get it.

                          • Sean lastname
                            Sean lastname  1 months back

                            I dont see this as being fearless in a relationship i see this as being a doormat in a relationshit.. here's a solution set your boundaries and hold them tight if they're not respected move on i understand finding your person and wanting them in your life forever i found mine but instead of acting on our urges before we were unfaithful we talked about it and mutually made the decision to open up our relationship and become poly which has also solved alot of our other problems because they centered on us not being to provide 100% of each others needs.. now this route wont be for every one and may utterly destroy a relationship but being a doormat allowing your partner to be unfaithful is not self love its just insecurity

                            • M
                              M  1 months back

                              B.S talk

                              • Eleanor Vallone
                                Eleanor Vallone  1 months back

                                Maybe she should find a loyal guy.

                                • Andrei Ilca
                                  Andrei Ilca  1 months back

                                  Love yourself enough to find a better man, give both yourself and someone new the chance to meet better.

                                  • Jordan Allen
                                    Jordan Allen  2 months back

                                    I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

                                    • Maria
                                      Maria  2 months back

                                      I like that you kept the calm personality n nice way to explain things through the speech. I learned many things with this....its hard to be in your shoes, but harder to understand the other persons position when your suffering comes from their actions. Amazing lesson of humbleness n love!!

                                      • Jordan Allen
                                        Jordan Allen  2 months back

                                        I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

                                    • Ricardo Gonzalez
                                      Ricardo Gonzalez  2 months back

                                      What, gifts? Are you serious? Totally wasted 11:29 minutes of my life on this? I don’t know what to make of this, but I feel she is obsessed with this guy and he just wants to keep her as first base. I might be wrong, but there is a good chance I am not.

                                      • Krystle Robertson
                                        Krystle Robertson  2 months back

                                        He’s shown that he doesn’t respect her or their relationship. She’s shown that she’ll accept it.

                                        • Jordan Allen
                                          Jordan Allen  2 months back

                                          I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

                                      • Cyrus Yasrebi
                                        Cyrus Yasrebi  2 months back

                                        😐

                                        • Jo Ann G
                                          Jo Ann G  2 months back

                                          So your husband can cheat anytime he enjpys as long as you love him unconditionally? LOL

                                          • Jordan Allen
                                            Jordan Allen  2 months back

                                            I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

                                        • MrBdiddypop
                                          MrBdiddypop  2 months back

                                          I don’t get the sense that her partner is particularly healthy rather manipulative. He says he’s sorry and they get back together but it seems like he placates her in the moment, gets what he wants and will continue to cheat.
                                          I think it’s ok to kick a cheater to the curb. She does a lot of work on herself but it doesn’t sound like he does.

                                          • Mark Bizzle
                                            Mark Bizzle  2 months back

                                            Women are delusional. Women treat cheating like it’s the only thing a man is once he does it. I can’t wait until men start treating y’all like you treat us. Everything u do, you’re gonna be judged for life

                                            • GIGA CENTRIC
                                              GIGA CENTRIC  2 months back

                                              She's a good woman!💜

                                              • Jaime Santacruz
                                                Jaime Santacruz  2 months back

                                                Her man loves this relationship lol unlimited passes

                                                • Kim Mangal
                                                  Kim Mangal  2 months back

                                                  I can relate to much of what you are saying, as I felt and managed similarly to you in my personal situation. I have not been able to treat the other woman with the same level of love and respect that you’ve presented, however deep down I do not hate her, although I want to. The pain of this experiences is enormous, however, there is nothing gained from hate and revenge. I have put my faith in God and learning from the experience by looking inward. I am coming into my true self. I am learning to love myself more and be me. The true me. There’s a lot more to my story, however, there’s nothing gained from looking back or hate and forgiveness. I am choosing to look forward with love. Thank you for your talk. You are love.

                                                  • Jody McGill
                                                    Jody McGill  2 months back

                                                    Omg ... the WORST TED TALK EVER. A “Relationship coach” who’s relationship is the epitome of codependency. I was waiting for the epiphany that NEVER came. And she contacted and counseled the other women. WTAF?!

                                                    • Ricardo Pires
                                                      Ricardo Pires  3 months back

                                                      Ahahah who are these people !!

                                                      • January Flower
                                                        January Flower  3 months back

                                                        Funny. She remembers what she was wearing when they first met. I bet he barely remembers any of it. Dude does not care

                                                        • January Flower
                                                          January Flower  3 months back

                                                          Funny. She remembers what she was wearing when they first met. I barely he barely remembers any of it. Dude does not care

                                                          • Da Hawk
                                                            Da Hawk  3 months back

                                                            It is great that she has grown so much from these experiences. But she never explained why she is choosing to stay with this person.

                                                            She could also have shared how she went looking to buy a car. She found the perfect car. The dealer took her for a test drive. During that trip, the car was crashed 3 times. It gets towed back to the dealership, and right then and there she says "I'll take it!" Pulls out her check book and signs the check.

                                                            The other option is to let this guy know that he has made irreversible errors. Leave him with your lessons learned, and start over with someone who won't treat you this way.

                                                            Even if all the dents were to be repaired, it is not the same as new. If the goal is marriage, then the ultimate question here is whether you want a marriage bond ...or marriage bondo.

                                                            • Amy Harvey
                                                              Amy Harvey  3 months back

                                                              BS!

                                                              • Anna
                                                                Anna  3 months back

                                                                This is the worst video ive seen. I think the gaslighting must be working. Self love is about self respect, surely after knowing the second time she should have ran.

                                                                • justsomeguy101b
                                                                  justsomeguy101b  3 months back

                                                                  I haven’t read all the comments on here but she was honest enough to say her behaviour was damaging the relationship with insecurity and fear. She said she felt like she had found that person who she truly loved! The fear of losing him.
                                                                  I have experienced the same thing from women but then again I have never physically cheated on any of them. I hope her message at the start reaches men and women that the fear of losing someone isn’t a reason to try to control them so they don’t leave you. Hate other men, women because you fear they will take them away from you. Love yourself and know that you are good enough. Without that you are nothing.

                                                                  • Retro Pyro
                                                                    Retro Pyro  4 months back

                                                                    Someone believes they can't find anyone else with so they let their partner walk all over them while trying to justify it by calling it a "gift".

                                                                    • KIRSTEN COWLEY
                                                                      KIRSTEN COWLEY  4 months back

                                                                      That you are giving relationship counselling to other women with this message is beyond dangerous. No accountability for your cheating partner gives him the permission to do it again. It’s sad that you value yourself in this way. That is not self love. That is co-dependence

                                                                      • Michelle willoby
                                                                        Michelle willoby  4 months back

                                                                        So sad she is giving her partner the green light to do this to her again. I was waiting for the end when she told everyone that due to her discovery of self love she kicked the bumb out. So sad

                                                                        • S.L.F Outdoors
                                                                          S.L.F Outdoors  4 months back

                                                                          So what you're saying is low self-esteem lack of confidence equals men who cheat.

                                                                          • Skull Pounder33
                                                                            Skull Pounder33  4 months back

                                                                            How about me and you get together so you can give your man some truth?

                                                                            • Dashia Ventura
                                                                              Dashia Ventura  4 months back

                                                                              Lol, it's amazing to see how closed minded people are. Not everyone will understand, but growth comes with hard lessons and once you're ready to open your eyes to the truth, you'll see the illusion that our conditioning has taught us perceive as truth and reality. One's actions is a reflection of their pain and the gap between what they are and who they are. You cannot experience unconditional love until you've given it to yourself and to love yourself unconditionally is to forgive your past and recognize that you are worthy of dignity. To truly love yourself, you've given yourself the ability to love all because you are able to recognize the fact that there is pain behind every name and that pain is manifested in their actions. the willingness to be of service, the willingness to help others uncover their trauma and learn about themselves is what love is about.

                                                                              • C. M.
                                                                                C. M.  4 months back

                                                                                TED Talks just be letting anybody tell stories....

                                                                                • Octavio Barbosa
                                                                                  Octavio Barbosa  4 months back

                                                                                  Here's my opinion hoping it will not hurt anybody. Kelsey, you are a great person building yourself to unreachable heights to the majority of people, that's good. Why do you waste your time with that kind of partner? I celebrate the unconditional love you give everyday, but don't hope it will change him or anybody. I learned this from a terrible experience: anybody can learn and build himself everyday in beautiful manners, but don't hope that the people around you will do it too. You can invite them, but most of them won't change. This will be a broken heart inevitably.

                                                                                  • Claus Tame
                                                                                    Claus Tame  4 months back

                                                                                    Thanks for sharing your experience, BUT, first infidelity in the first 5 months? Then another, and another.....
                                                                                    Maybe being in that relationships makes you feel so good that you don't care that much.
                                                                                    Well, thats your life but I guess its not what we want.
                                                                                    Good luck.

                                                                                    • LindaLucia17
                                                                                      LindaLucia17  4 months back

                                                                                      My heart hurts for you Kelsey. You are in an emotionally abusive and toxic relationship. The most loving gift to yourself would be to love yourself enough to leave. You may be struggling with co-dependency. I am in the mental health field and not speaking out of ignorance. I pray that you find clarity in this situation. It is my belief that you are worthy of a healthy relationship wear your heart is valued in the way it should be. God bless you and protect you.

                                                                                      • Mark Menning
                                                                                        Mark Menning  4 months back

                                                                                        I don't think my wife would take me back after cheating on her. This women must be part of one of those churches that says dont divorce no matter what.

                                                                                        • oldschoolnes
                                                                                          oldschoolnes  4 months back

                                                                                          She is 100% right. You can brainwash yourself to believe anything. This is why I think everybody needs a shrink.
                                                                                          If your brain is broken like hers and you need help to fix it please seek the help you need stop brain washing yourself.

                                                                                          • G Cora
                                                                                            G Cora  5 months back

                                                                                            Unconditional love is for your kids, not your romantic partners. You have standards and conditions for everything in your life and relationships should be no different.